| "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less." - Urban legend attributes this to Marion Barry (former mayor of D.C.) |
| "If you maintain a safe distance between you and the next car, someone will fill it." - Unknown |
| "Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds." - Homer Simpson |
| "It's like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but it's going to happen." - Peter Griffin (Think of this while at your next doctors visit and try not to giggle.) |
| "That guy lights up a room when he leaves it." - Colin Cowheard |
| "Why do we thnk it's necessary to yack about bullshit in order to be comfortable?" - Mia Wallace (movie Pulp Fiction) |
| "Interesting. No wait, the other thing; tedious." - Bender (Futurama) |
| "Lets not go trying to boil the ocean." - Jake Perlman (former boss) |
| "Try and resist the feeling that your birthday is but a special commemoration of your progress toward the grave. It's not that special." - The Onion Horoscopes |
| "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades." - Timbuk3 |
| "You've got to me crazy to live in New York (City) and not have a good psychiatrist." - Unknown |
| "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde |
| "The dude abides." - Jeffrey Lebowski |
| "It's a widely believed fact." - Fry (Futurama) |
| "Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster." - Neil Young |
| "Reg, there are 6 billion people in the world. That makes roughly 3 billion women. I find it interesting that you claim you can't find the right one." - Sumit Shah Deo |
| Mangry: When one is filled with incredible rage, but just too lazy to actually do anything about it. |
| "You can still smell Aqua Velva through your tears." - The Greaseman |
| "It's better to burn out than fade away." - Def Leppard (where did those guys go anyway?) |
| "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." - Tyler Durden (movie Fight Club) |
| "Daddy wrestles alligators. Moma works on carburators." - Train |
| "EAT ME!" - The Gingerbread Man (movie Shrek) |
| "Life is full of one disappointment after another until you just wish Flanders was dead." - Homer Simpson |
| "When we look back I believe we will see the change in daylight savings time as George W. Bush's greatest legacy." - Reg Archer (Boy was I wrong. That was a bad idea as well) |
| "I need a new drug." - Huey Lewis |
| "Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my a**." - Peter Griffin (Family Guy) |
| "I came here to kick butt and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum." - Rowdy Roddy Piper |
| "Go f#*k yourself" - Dick Cheney (said to Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy ) |
| "She smokes a pack a day. Oh wait that's me well anyway..." - Train (I don't smoke, just like the line) |
| "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex." - Dwight D Eisenhower in his Farewell Address |
| "Evil will always prevail, because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet (movie Spaceballs) |
| "Knowledge keeps as well as fish." - Unknown |
| "Why couldn't she be fish on the top, and woman on the bottom?" - Fry (Futurama...in reference to his short lived romance with a mermaid) |
| "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. ." -Steven McCrosky (movie Airplane!) |
| "Thomas Edison famously described success as 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which leaves you 1 percent away from succeeding in getting off the couch." - The Onion horoscopes |
| "How do we know he's not Mel Torme?" - The Torch (movie Top Secret) |
| "When I snap, I kill him first." - Cornfed (in reference to Duckman) |
| "I think it was a country song that sums up my experience when the guy sings 'I think the world of myself, but the world doesn't think much of me.'" - Ryan Leaf (former NFL bust) |
| "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?" - Captain Oveur (movie Airplane!) |
| "It's not that it takes all kinds, it's just that are all kinds." - Unknown |
| "I'll go through you like a bad burrito!" - Unknown |
| "You lack the intensity and vision to rise above your own mediocrity, but you apparently don't see a problem with that." - The Onion horoscopes |
| "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather." - Urban legend attributes this to Marion Barry (former mayor of D.C.) |
| "Blessed are the cheesemakers." - Monty Python (movie Life of Brian) |
| "I believe parents should have the right to abort right up to the 21st year." - Brian Kottcamp (co-worker) |
| "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." - Paul McCartney |
| "Yeah, I'm so jaded." - Aerosmith |
