| I presented this skit on Memorial Day. The Bug theater had its sell out crowd of 150. I had the choice of either presenting 1st or 11th out of 12. Kathleen Wallack was behind me in line and suggested I go first if I was nervous, so that's what I did. I was dressed in a red baseball cap worn backwards, a thick gold chain, a red basketball tanktop that said "Calvary Baptist" on it, a baggy pair of blue jeans tucked into unlaced work boots. Carole, Michael, Rosa, and April all came to see the show. Remember I only had 5 minutes to do my thing..... | |
| The host and hostest presented me as "Here are the William Shatner Players with Praise the Lowered." I had the sound guy play play the first 15 seconds of the Beasty Boy's "She's Crafty" and I pretended that I was going to sing karaoke. I then put the mic back in it's stand. | |
| I'm just kidding. I actually wanted to come up here and brag about my lowered mini pickup. I knicknamed it "Praise the Lowered." It's about this high off the ground. It's got "Praise the Lowered" painted on the tailgate. It's got a little sticker of Calvin, he's kneeling and praying too it. That truck is so fucking cool. | |
| I use the truck in my electrical contracting business. Right now I'm in between odd jobs and I deliver pizza at night. I was actually offered the electrical wiring contract for the Pepsi Center, but I turned it down. They wouldn't let me do it my way. They wanted me to cut corners, and I don't do that man. | |
| So I've been doing electrical work ever since I got out of the Navy. I was a Navy S.E.A.L. THAT'S RIGHT! It turns out they kicked me out because I was too bad-ass for them. Pussys. I used to STOMP THEIR ASSES! | |
| Anyway, back to the pickup. My girlfriend really digs it. Well, she's sort of my psudo girlfriend. Susie; she lives down the street from my parents. She's still in high school, but she'll graduate soon. She's got some boy she hangs out with, but he doesn't even own a car. All he does is lift weights and play football. He tries to act tough when I talk to Susie, but if he tries anything, I'll STOMP HIS ASS. | |
| So I'm seeing Susie a lot more now that I moved back in with my parents. I actually put 10 thousand down on one of those new condos over by the new light rail, but it burnt down. The won't give me my money back. I'm going to STOMP THIER ASSES. The guys I was living with before kicked me out. The claimed I was stealin thier shit and pawning it. Fuckers. It was THEM who was stealin from ME! If I ever see those guys again, I'm gunna STOMP THEIR ASSES! | |
| So you guys were worried that I was gunna sing karaoke when I got up here. I don't sing, I play the guitar. My god father is Eddie VanHalen. He taught me how to play. He hasn't talked to me ever since he married that BITCH Valerie. I used to have photos of me and him from when I was a kid but somebody stole those photos. If I ever find out who did it, I'm gunna STOMP THEIR ASSES! | |
| So, I'm starting a new actors club. It's called the William Shatner Players. Right now, it's, it's just me, but I'm hoping to meet some of you afterwards, and we'll put something together, and we'll be good. We'll be competing with those Planet X Players, and you know what, you know what, wait a mintute....(cell phone rings) | |
| Hello. Oh hi mom. Um, I took your car because Praise the Lowered has that breathalizer thing on it because of my parole. Yes, I'm sorry mom. Yes, I'm sorry. Yes, I'll be right home. Yes, I'll pick you up beer and cigarettes. (end call) Um, it turns out Susie's been looking for me, I gotta go. | |
| Sound guy plays the first 11 seconds of the Beastie Boy's "Brass Monkey" as I walk off. | |
